he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
