I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
