my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I want is dick and wine.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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