Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
