yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
