That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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