so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
