Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
