Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
