Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
