Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
