When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
