when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
