Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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