This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
