I think i peed on brittanys purse
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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