just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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