just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
