i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
