Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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