Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
