I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
