Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
