That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
