Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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