I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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