brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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