and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
