oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
