How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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