Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
