If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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