the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
