Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
