Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
