is your mom at the bar?
I skipped work to stalk him.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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