alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
