The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
