All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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