The brown eye won't let me do that either.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
