so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
