i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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