Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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