We're facebook friends in real life
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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