He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
