if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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