It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
