This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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