2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
