someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
