He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it's like iHOP with fire
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
