Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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