No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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