it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
